Judgment vs. Compassion

I look at the parents and the husband of Terri Schiavo and I see a microcosm of the cancer eating at the core of our society. They cannot come to an agreement, even for the sake of one they love. Meanwhile, all the rest of us are so sure 'our side' of this tragic drama is not only right, but that the other side is evil. This issue, the election, the social and political landscape, the world and our place in it. We are good and the other side is evil. How did this happen?

The parents of this girl seem evil to me. She was bulimic, an eating disorder that is a girl's way of exercising control over her life. The parents' behavior in the name of "love" over the last fifteen years, their intransigent absolutism, their willingness to spin the tale any way to make themselves seem right, their passionate embrace of their vegetative daughter who can no longer disagree makes my skin crawl. I imagine the horror of a daughter with such parents if she were trapped in a non-responsive body but still able to take the world in. I can imagine her inwardly howling with despair at the thought of being at their mercy for the rest of her life and having no way to escape. It is a hell that is much more believable to me than the fire and brimstone of the evangelists.

Then I read in the New York Times about two women whose children had been in the same state as Terri Schiavo. One mother had finally come to the decision that keeping her son alive was hurting him and another who brought her daughter home and has been caring for her for almost thirty years. Both women were still clear that their choice was the right one for them, and neither was willing to judge either the parents or the husband in the Schiavo case.

I felt then a bit of healthy shame. If these women can find it in their hearts to remain non-judgemental, who am I, having never experienced this kind of choice, to take sides.

Oh, a part of my brain will always yammer about the bulimia and its probable cause. But that is unknowable, and needs to be treated as fiction. The reality is the parties in this public parade are in pain. Whether they brought it on themselves or fell into this abyss through no fault of their own has nothing to do with me. My emotional response to them, judgement or compassion, has everything to do with who I am and what my county is as well.